The NBA is back.
End post.
Wait. Don’t leave yet. It was only an awful joke about instant reactions to the first night of games. Uh, like how people get hyperbolic with their takes only to dip from conversations before things get interesting.
Well, it was just a bad lede. I’m sleepy. Basketball games are on too late. FIGHT ME!
Nevertheless, the most woke league in all the woke leagues is back. On a Tuesday evening just a few days before a fat guy attempts to break in many houses (unless you’re a horrible person or an atheist), the Brooklyn Nets came out like gangbusters, leaving everyone — and their respective mothers — ready to crown them champions.
It’s tough to avoid overreactions here, as the Nets looked that good.
Even better than that, after the Nets absolutely smacked the living shit out of the Golden State Warriors, Kyrie Irving remained the gift that keeps giving.
“As a young player, you think that scoring a bunch of points and doing a bunch of things, getting individual accolades are great. I definitely was going after those things, and now, I don’t really care for any of those individual accolades or goals. It really doesn’t bother me. I know I’m validated culturally, and that’s all that matters,” Irving said.
You see, Kyrie is validated… culturally. Unlike me, who is invalidated because… no one stamped my parking ticket.
Irving, who scored a team-high of 26 points, is something of a giant, walking galaxy-brain meme. That being said, I am not here to dip my toes in the dreaded Kyrie Discourse of Doom.
There’s no winners in that conversations. Merely a bunch of wackos going far too hard to crush a dude untethered to reality, then another group going way out of their way to defend One-Eye Kyrie because… being nice is good, I guess?
Let’s do that. Let’s be nice!
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The Warriors Have Problems & Need To Solve’em ASAP!
LeBron James Big Mad At The Clippers?
Is Andrew Wiggins Good At Basketball?
Kevin Durant Is A Shooty Hoops God
Durant, for his part, still put up 22 points on the board, looking as good as he ever has. Since the game was never in any real doubt, it was probably a solid way for our burner account hero to slowly ease his way back.
Honestly, though, dude scored 22 points without any issue and I’m here scribbling words about KD “easing his way” back into action. 22 points, for those unaware, happen to be a lot of made points. It’s sure as shit more than 21!
Durant is going to win the NBA MVP this season. Book it!
If he doesn’t, pretend you never read this newsletter.
The Lakers Need To Blow It Up
Following a game in which the Nets looked like Brock Lesnar, the Los Angeles Lakers fell to their city rivals despite having ALL THE UNTOUCHABLE TRADE ASSETS on the roster.
What does it mean?
They need to blow it up, of course.
I kid. Another bad joke! Hooray being old, washed and decomposing! My mother would be so proud.
The 2019-20 season (whatever in the flying fudge that was) just ended. The Lakers played until the final ding-dong of the clock, winning it all in what was otherwise a godforsaken season/year. There were parades and confetti and coronavirus and singing and songs and death and celebrating and…
In turn, they’ve had the least amount of “rest” among all the teams no longer participating in the Disney Bubble of Life. They could just be more pooped than other teams.
That’s right. The expert opinion you’re getting here for the Purple and Gold’s opening night loss is that they’re likely pooped. To be fair to me, given the sample-size is a single god damn game, it makes as much sense as all the fancy-math out there.
It’s not only that, however. There’s a bunch of new parts on the roster. Given NBA teams are made of humans, and humans need to develop chemistry, it will certainly result in a needed period to adjust.
Then again, the same could have been said for the Nets (KD coming back, Steve Nash’s literal first game as a coach, etc.), but let’s not get too bonkers yet. We’ll save our hot-takes for three or four games into the new season.
Opening Night Conclusion
Zero things. It was fun. From the entertaining hoops to the insane press conference quotes, I’m glad it’s back.
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Joseph used to write a bunch of things for places like Forbes, FRS and others. Now he’s ‘the man’ in management. A big old loser. A washed, leathery face, too. Here’s his own newsletter.