Assuming you’re reading this on the day it was posted (hello, Wednesday), the NBA Finals begin in only a few hours.
For those who lived under a rock for a considerable amount of time, it’ll be the famed Los Angeles Lakers facing the Miami Heat in the Disney Bubble for all the marbles.
Hooray… or something.
There are narratives to follow in this otherwise whatever-series. LeBron James facing his old franchise; Pat Riley looking for quasi-revenge against The King for leaving Miami; Jimmy Butler hoping to wrong-side-of-the-bed his way to history; Anthony Davis wanting to put to rest tropes about his toughness; so on and so forth.
Nevertheless, for a decent section of a basketball loving world, this wasn’t the NBA Finals they were hoping for. Few people could have predicted the Heat lasting this long in the playoffs, nonetheless entering the last level to fight the final boss.
It’s a bit unfortunate for people like me — those who aren’t all that invested in this specific series — because we’re ignoring the aforementioned stories. Still, it’s hard to get riled up for what “feels like” a rather one-sided matchup featuring a historically skilled dynamic duo versus a good but not great Heat roster.
Bluh. Bluh. Bluh.
I am not here to steal your joy, fanatics of the 2020 NBA Finals. If you got the feels for some Alex Caruso and Tyler Christopher Herro white kids doing stuff things, go for it and Connect Four.
For me, an old man with a washed and leathery face who has the emotional capacity of a Teddy Ruxpin doll, it just feels sadly fitting we’re getting this as the NBA Finals in 2020. You know, because GOD DAMN MAN JUST LOOK AT EVERYTHING HAPPENING.
Anywho, Lakers in five.
NBA Finals Preview Content
I’m about to get out of the way here. Since I just shat on the NBA Finals, it’s time to give love to those who wrote some words on it in earnest, hopefully giving you (the reader!) some insightful things to look at before Game 1.
Kenny Honaker: 4 reasons Lakers will beat Heat in 2020 NBA Finals
I’ll give you one: They’re better!
Imman Canicosa: 6 biggest storylines in Lakers-Heat NBA Finals
Mine? Hairline that recedes the most.
Kellen Voss: Heat's X-factor vs. Lakers in 2020 NBA Finals
Is it Kurt Thomas?
The Denver Broncos Stink
Was John Elway in charge when the Broncos won their most recent Super Bowl? You bet your ass; though the defense that did most of the work to win it all was already put in place.
Since Elway took over as the main man in charge of all things Blue-ish and Orange-ish related, Denver has played approximately eleventy-billion different quarterbacks, including the very worst possible version of Peyton Manning.
Well, save for the version caught up in scandal when at Tennessee no one talks about fo some reason.
Anywho, this year’s version of the Broncos had promise. Great skill guys all over the place and an alleged emerging talent at QB in Drew Lock. Then, because of course why in the hell not, Lock got hurt and in stepped in someone named Jeff Driskel.
Driskel, not a particularly good gunslinger, is now also hurt. In turn, a man named Brett Rypien will enter Thursday night as Denver’s starting quarterback.
Who is Brett Rypien you ask?
Google his ass for yourself because the hell if I know.
Denver is now hurt all over: Their best receiver is out for the year, one half of their planned two-headed running attack is still on the sidelines, and the Broncos are hitting a new low by playing their third-string quarterback in what is already a must-win game.
What in the Tim Tebow is going on out there in Denver?
I don’t know, to be honest. However, tickle me not shocked that the man who was willing to, but go outbid by the only other dope who wanted to, give Brock Osweiler all the money, as well as the dude who gave a large contract to a career 4.0 yards per carry back, has yet another roster — injuries or not — that’s less than ideal.
John Elway the player: The GOAT!
John Elway the guy in a suit: A sinking boat.
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Joseph used to write a bunch of things for places like Forbes, FRS and others. Now he’s ‘the man’ in management. A big old loser. A washed, leathery face, too. Here’s his own newsletter.