Even after facing all the blowback from the LA Clippers failing to do much in the famed NBA Disney Bubble of Doom, Doc Rivers already landed on his feet, snagging a job with the Philadelphia 76ers as head coach.
Rivers is eight years removed from his Boston Celtics heyday, as well as over a decade separated from a single Beantown title that specific team uses as if they were some sort of dynasty.
It’s important to point that out, as that’s where Doc garnered the majority of his “he’s a great coach” goodwill. After all, he certainly didn’t have it after leading the Orlando Magic to 10 losses in 15 postseason games during his purposed five-year stint in Disney.
What does any of it mean? The hell if I know. When people declare a coach awful, it’s hyperbolically silly. No one sitting at home, handsome and brilliant or not, can ever sincerely know how competent someone is at their job from a distance.
Moreover, for every leaked report placing all of LA’s blame on Rivers, there’s years of evidence suggesting he can handle stars, win games and overcome iffy rosters by maximizing the wayward talent on it.
The knock on Rivers — again, from an outsider’s perspective — is he got out of dodge before dodge got him (Boston exit); hasn’t won an NBA title since 2008 (the majority of coaches have zero!); and currently stars in a LeBron James produced Netflix documentary about coaching or something?
Maybe… the game passed him by?
However swell or awful or past his coaching prime Rivers might be, it’s not going to fix what ails the Sixers.
That’s right, friends. We’re talking roster construction.
Hard stop. Don’t bail on me yet.
Ben Simmons, on his own, is a generational talent worth building around.
Joel Embiid, on his own, is a generation talent worth building around.
Philly’s supporting cast, outside those aforementioned superstars’ jurisdiction, happen to be above solid.
Given all available information, what in a flying Macho Man Randy Savage elbow drop is the issue?
All of the great pieces fail to mesh. This is mostly due to poor floor spacing, and Simmons playing some magical role of point forward even though he’s far better suited for the three or four.
It was Brett Brown’s downfall, if we’re being honest, and we should be since we’re all friends here. Friends are honest with each other, you know? Eh, I digress.
This forced usage of Simmons, making sure the ball was in his hands at all times because he could dribble and pass, even if it meant defenses would sag in the paint to the point it negated Embiid’s ability to excel, was spectacular in its repeated failures come each postseason.
Maybe Rivers fixes this repetitive cycle of failure, relocating Simmons’ responsibilities, and all is well. The hell if I know. But if there’s a measurable brilliance difference between Rivers and Brown, placing Doc several rungs up the ladder, it’s not going to make Ben Simmons a better shooter.
What The Hell Is Wrong With People?
I’m about to be a decomposing old man voicing obscenities at clouds in a second, but first, context!
Assuming this was earnest, which is a dangerous move to make on the mean streets of Twitter, who in the hell logs on to social media to ask a famous person to sign their automobile?
For those unaware, and unless you’re like me in my early twenties and only own jalopies, vehicles are expensive. They can be in the tens of thousands of dollars, used for important transportation purposes, and are often in iffy elements to the point of erosion.
But… sign my truck?
Burn in the infernal regions, Tom Bland; AKA at Tom underscore is on fire!
Here’s the kicker: We know it is a decent truck. I mean, he bought it from Dame’s dealership; where it’s safe to assume he’s not selling 1992 Ford Festivas for 500 bucks. Trust me, I know. I’ve owned SEVERAL of them and signing them would be near impossible. They’re so tiny!
That’s it. Everyone log off Twitter, go outside, and take a walk. We shouldn’t be this thirsty for brushes with fame.
I’m Not Going To Talk About It
According to himself, the President of the United States tested positive for COVID-19.
That’s not what I plan on talking about.
Sure. Yeah. I know. Readers come to this fine newsletter for my political takes, thoughts on Roe v. Wade, as well as my beliefs on how Democracy is practiced compared to how it’s theorized.
What I am here to talk about, however, are sports merchants who couldn’t help but dabble in news so large because it garnered them a little extra attention.
That’s right. We’re talking attention seeking grifters!
For those unaware, usually when the news subject tweets out the news him or herself, you don’t then need to present the news as original AFTER it’s already broken. It would be like declaring yourself an authority on Game 1 of the NBA Finals because you copy and pasted the box-sore someone else created and tweeted it out.
Moreover, if you’re going to relay the news to the masses because you’re claiming some sort of “Well, just in case they didn’t see it” move, you should probably just do the normal action and FUCKING QUOTE TWEET WHERE YOU FOUND THAT OUT FROM AND NOT PRETEND AS THOUGH YOU OBTAINED IT FIRST-HAND.
Or a simple retweet. Whatever you think is best.
Mad? Why do you ask?
I’m not upset numerous sports reporters couldn’t help themselves when a happening way the hell outside their purview went down, but was so large they saw a gross opportunity for attention, so they shat all over the place in order to…
/checks notes
… Get some engagement in an echo chamber.
Provided this isn’t it already, 2020 can go right to hell.
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Joseph used to write a bunch of things for places like Forbes, FRS and others. Now he’s ‘the man’ in management. A big old loser. A washed, leathery face, too. Here’s his own newsletter.